How’s the PULSE of Your Marriage?

Your pulse indicates the rate of your heartbeat. Typically your pulse increases when you are excited and goes down when you are relaxed.

Recently I was studying Ephesians 5:25-33 where Paul discusses how I am to love my wife. This is a challenging passage for a number of reasons, but on this day, the Lord stopped me on the word “as.” Paul writes in vs. 25, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church….” So I asked the Lord, ‘How do I love Jill as Christ loved the church’?

First, I needed to better understand how Christ loved the church, His Bride.
As I pondered this, He revealed to me a 5-part plan for monitoring the “pulse” of my marriage. For me to love Jill “as Christ” loved the church, I need to love her:

P - Proactively - Christ loved the church before the church loved Him. He stepped out of heaven and came to earth to save sinners and to win His Bride. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because he first loved us.” This tells me that I need to love Jill before she loves me. I need to not wait for her to “satisfy my needs” before caring for her, I need to take the initiative and meet her needs. By loving her in this way I will be following the example of Christ.

U - Unconditionally - Christ loved the church with no expectation of getting anything in return. He lived a sinless life and died in our place, taking the punishment for our sin upon Himself, then He raised from the dead to secure our salvation. All of this He did to love us knowing that many would never pay Him any attention. Our response made no difference in His love. This is how we are to love our wife… with no expectation of getting anything in return. When we put “strings” or “conditions” on our love, we really are not loving; we are really serving our self.

L - Lavishly - Christ held back nothing in His love for the church. He gave all that He had… and He did it, as Hebrews 12:2 tells us, “for the joy set before Him.” Christ was able to love the church lavishly because He was looking to His reward not from the church, but from His Father in heaven. When I love Jill with all that I have and hold back nothing, the reward I receive is the affirmation from the Lord that I am serving Him by loving her.

S - Sacrificially - Jesus “gave Himself up” for His bride. He could have chosen many other ways to love her, but He models for us the greatest love through dying. Every day gives me opportunities to “die to myself” and love Jill sacrificially. It’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination! I have to consciously choose to put her needs ahead of my own (Philippians 2:3-4) and act in her best interest.

E - Enduringly - Christ’s love for the church extends throughout eternity. It will never end. I need to love Jill in this same fashion. My commitment to her as part of our covenant marriage is that I will never leave her. It also means that I will love her regardless of the circumstance we find ourselves in. 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love “endures all things.” This kind of love is only possible as we submit to the Holy Spirit and keep our eyes on Jesus. Saying “I do” is a lifetime commitment. It’s a commitment to love your wife enduringly.

So how is the PULSE of your marriage??? Apply these 5 practices and you’ll feel your heartbeat increasing as you love your wife as Christ loved the church (these also apply to a wife loving her husband).