How’s the PULSE of Your Marriage?

Your pulse indicates the rate of your heartbeat. Typically your pulse increases when you are excited and goes down when you are relaxed.

Recently I was studying Ephesians 5:25-33 where Paul discusses how I am to love my wife. This is a challenging passage for a number of reasons, but on this day, the Lord stopped me on the word “as.” Paul writes in vs. 25, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church….” So I asked the Lord, ‘How do I love Jill as Christ loved the church’?

First, I needed to better understand how Christ loved the church, His Bride.
As I pondered this, He revealed to me a 5-part plan for monitoring the “pulse” of my marriage. For me to love Jill “as Christ” loved the church, I need to love her:

P - Proactively - Christ loved the church before the church loved Him. He stepped out of heaven and came to earth to save sinners and to win His Bride. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because he first loved us.” This tells me that I need to love Jill before she loves me. I need to not wait for her to “satisfy my needs” before caring for her, I need to take the initiative and meet her needs. By loving her in this way I will be following the example of Christ.

U - Unconditionally - Christ loved the church with no expectation of getting anything in return. He lived a sinless life and died in our place, taking the punishment for our sin upon Himself, then He raised from the dead to secure our salvation. All of this He did to love us knowing that many would never pay Him any attention. Our response made no difference in His love. This is how we are to love our wife… with no expectation of getting anything in return. When we put “strings” or “conditions” on our love, we really are not loving; we are really serving our self.

L - Lavishly - Christ held back nothing in His love for the church. He gave all that He had… and He did it, as Hebrews 12:2 tells us, “for the joy set before Him.” Christ was able to love the church lavishly because He was looking to His reward not from the church, but from His Father in heaven. When I love Jill with all that I have and hold back nothing, the reward I receive is the affirmation from the Lord that I am serving Him by loving her.

S - Sacrificially - Jesus “gave Himself up” for His bride. He could have chosen many other ways to love her, but He models for us the greatest love through dying. Every day gives me opportunities to “die to myself” and love Jill sacrificially. It’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination! I have to consciously choose to put her needs ahead of my own (Philippians 2:3-4) and act in her best interest.

E - Enduringly - Christ’s love for the church extends throughout eternity. It will never end. I need to love Jill in this same fashion. My commitment to her as part of our covenant marriage is that I will never leave her. It also means that I will love her regardless of the circumstance we find ourselves in. 1 Corinthians 13:7 tells us that love “endures all things.” This kind of love is only possible as we submit to the Holy Spirit and keep our eyes on Jesus. Saying “I do” is a lifetime commitment. It’s a commitment to love your wife enduringly.

So how is the PULSE of your marriage??? Apply these 5 practices and you’ll feel your heartbeat increasing as you love your wife as Christ loved the church (these also apply to a wife loving her husband).

Be Content

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with such things as you have, because God has said--Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5

These words are very simple. A little child might easily understand them. They contain no high doctrine; they involve no deep metaphysical question; and yet, as simple as they are--the duty which these words enjoin on us, is of highest practical importance to all Christians.

Contentment is one of the rarest graces. Like all precious things--it is most uncommon. To practice contentment, is very hard. To talk of contentment in the day of health and prosperity is easy enough; but to be content in the midst of poverty, sickness, trouble, disappointments, and losses--is a state of mind to which very few can attain!

The fallen angels had heaven itself to dwell in, and the immediate presence and favor of God--but they were not content. Adam and Eve had the garden of Eden to live in, with a free grant of everything in it excepting one tree--but they were not content. Ahab had his throne and kingdom, but so long as Naboth's vineyard was not his--he was not content. Haman was the chief favorite of the Persian king--but so long as Mordecai sat at the gate--he was not content.

It is just the same everywhere in the present day. Murmuring, dissatisfaction, discontent with what we have, meet us at every turn. To say, with Jacob, "I have enough," seems flatly contrary to the grain of human nature. To say, "I want more," seems the mother tongue of every child of Adam.

Paul's direction ought to come with power to all our consciences: "Be content with such things as you have," not with such things as you once used to have--not with such things as you hope to have--but with such things as you now have. With such things, whatever they may be--we are to be content. With such a dwelling, such a family, such health, such income, such work, such circumstances as we now have--we are to be content.

Ah! reader, if you would be truly happy--seek it where alone it can be found. Seek it not in money, seek it not in pleasure, nor in friends, nor in learning. Seek it in having a will in perfect harmony with the will of God. Seek it in studying to be content.

You may say, that is fine talking--but how can we be always content in such a world? I answer, that you need to cast away your pride, and know your deserts, in order to be thankful in any condition. If men really knew that they deserve nothing, and are debtors to God's mercy every day--they would soon cease to complain.
Let me tell you why there is so little contentment in the world. The simple answer is, because there is so little grace, and true godliness. Few know their own sin; few feel their desert; and so few are content with such things as they have. Humility, self-knowledge, a clear sight of our own utter vileness and corruption; these are the true roots of contentment.

Let me tell you--what you should do, if you would be content. You must know your own heart, seek God for your portion, take Christ for your Savior, and use God's Word for your daily food. Contentment must be learned at the feet of Jesus Christ. He who has God for his friend, and heaven for his home--can wait for his good things, and be content with little here below.
-J.C. Ryle

Thanks to my friend Jason Lapp for sending this to me. I found great comfort in this.

Where Is Your Focus?

I just received this email from Steve Sellers, VP of the Americas for Campus Crusade for Christ. I thought it was a timely and well written email that calls us to keep our Focus on the Kingdom and His Promises. Here's an excerpt. I hope you enjoy it.

********************************************************************************

Over the past 2 weeks I have been spending my quiet times in Matthew 6 and 7. In Matthew 6:19-21, Jesus admonishes us, "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in or steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

There is probably never more appropriate a time to hear these words. As I meditate on them I realize that the Lord wants me to check my heart to make sure I am concerned about the things that concern the Father rather than treasures on earth. Am I abandoning myself to trusting in Him, knowing that He will be the one to sustain me even as times get tough?

Jesus goes on in verse 25 to say, "For this reason I say to you, do not be anxious for your life, as to what you shall eat, or what you shall drink; nor for your body, as to what you shall put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?"

God cares for us, His children, more than anything else on earth and He is committed to meeting our needs. I should be reminded by this passage to not be overwhelmed by the circumstances of this world because my Father in heaven loves me and is concerned about me.

Economic turmoil is part of our current reality. Yet we are engaged in a higher calling. We are connected to a God who not only controls that reality, but who is deeply and intimately concerned for us.

Jesus also says in Matthew 7:7, "Ask and it will be given to you and seek and you will find and knock and it will be open to you." In the midst of Jesus telling us to be careful where our heart is focused and where we lay our treasure, He reminds us that God is in control.

What He wants us to do is simply come before Him as His children and ask. He calls us to lay before Him our concerns, our needs and our desires because He wants to meet them.

God cares about us and loves us. He is committed to meeting our needs no matter what happens. This has been a great reminder to me -- to relax and trust in the Lord and in the knowledge that He is in control.

***************************************************************************

Rest assured, God IS in control! None of what happens to us is a surprise to Him. I believe that He actually allows everything that happens to us to happen to us so we'll see how we react, compare it to Christ and see how we need to change (Romans 8:29).

May you find great comfort and peace as you seek His Kingdom and His Righteousness.

Positively Puzzling

Last night Jeremy wanted to put together a Batman puzzle with me. I don't like puzzles! But I love my son!!

We sat on the floor and sorted pieces, build the "frame" and began working on the inside. This is a challenging puzzle because of the many different colors.

The cool part was when Jeremy figured out how to get the "frame" to fit together when it looked like we were missing some pieces. It was a small victory for both of us.

Then, the "master puzzle putter-togetherer" Caleb , came to our rescue. He helped on two sections and added to our frustration by taking a piece that we couldn't figure out where it went, and placing it in the right spot within seconds. He gets this talent from his Mother.

It took us 45 minutes or so to complete. It was a fun time with my boys, and a good reminder that what matters is the time that I invest in being with them, regardless of what we're doing. I'm sure we'll be talking about the Batman Puzzle for many days.



Invest some time today with your loved ones doing what THEY want to do. You'll have fun and build a deeper relationship.

Playing with Poison

How much poison would you take it?

Are you willing to "test your limits" and see how much you can use before it harms you?

My guess is that you AVOID poison like the plague.

This week on FamilyLife Today we're talking about a different kind of poison - the Poison of Pornography. This is a poison that too many take it with their eyes, never realizing the devastating effects it WILL have. Listen to this 3-day broadcast and take heed from this poison.

Many times this becomes an addiction leading to other issues like Emotional and Physical Affairs. Next week on FamilyLife Today we'll air an interview where Judy Starr tells of her emotional affair and how the Lord healed her marriage. Here's a link to an excerpt from Judy's book, Enticement of the Forbidden.

Take the counsel of these victims and STAY AWAY from these poisons.